June 29, 2009

Food Diary:
b-blueberry muffin (610) + coffee (0)= 610
l- 0
d- 3 strawberries (17) + veggie burger (120)= 137

747

Exercise Log:

m-0

a- 0

n-900

900

=

-153

Wow. today was a disappointment. That fucking muffin did me in and killed me. Thanks to the maker if delicious baked goods I am fatter than I was this morning. I hate myself, I am so weak.

Exhaustion

I've never been so continuously tired in my life. No matter how much I sleep it's not enough to keep me awake and energized the next day. I get 8-9 hours every night because any less and you're appetite will increase 15%! I don't need anything making me hungrier than I am everyday as it is. I think part of the problem is the little calorie intake vs. the high outtake from my obsessive exercise, and recently I've been having extremely physically demanding days. I went hiking (EXTREME hiking) with my boyfriend, I spent about 7 hours at the zoo today pushing a baby carriage and endlessly walking, and I had to keep my body nourished so I wouldn't get dizzy and pass out = ( I think i just need to relax for a day or two to regain my strength.

I can't record what I ate today because it is madly depressing and I don't know what the caloric intake was anyway, so just listing the foods without serving sizes or cals is pointless. It was all healthy, basically negative foods, but there was a lot of it so I can't bear to think about it = (
So disappointed in myself.

XOX Peace, Love and Stay Strong

binge =X

Food Diary:
b-coffee (0)+ 4 oz crystal light (2.5)+ cheese bagel (360) + 2 tbsp fat free cream cheese (28)= 390.5
l- nothing
d- cheese bagel (360) + 2 tbsp fat free cream cheese (28) = 388
snack- 2 thin mint cookies (70) + popcorn (210)= 280

1058.5

Exercise Log:
m- 852
a-669
n- 253

1774
=
-715.5

I cannot believe I ate so much today! I'm so disappointed in myself and i feel like crap. My stomach is killing me and I feel like I'm going to puke. I'm going to keep my cal count below 400 tomorrow since I have to spend it with my family, otherwise I would be fasting and exercising all day to work off today's failure. UGH! I hate myself for being so weak. I think I'll have to start smoking again just to have something to do when I'm feeling a craving or feeling like I'm going to eat to deal with stress or emotions. I'll sacrifice my lungs for thinness. I'm already sacrificing everything else...

XOX Peace, Love, and Stay Strong

blahblahblah

Food Diary:
b- coffee (0) + yogurt (100)
l- 2 coffees (0) + 1/2 cup grapefruit (60)
d- salad (19) + coffee (0)

179

Exercise Log:
M- 0
A- 3,600
N- 250

3,850
=
-3,671 Cals

Good day today, I'm down 3 lbs!! I will be sore as hell tomorrow. I went hiking today and burned about 3,600!! Kick assssss <3 ugh, so tired. I'm passing the fuck outttttttt.

XOX Peace, Love, and Stay Strong

<3

Food Diary:
b- coffee (0)
l- nothing
d-kiwi (46) + 1/2 cup grapefruit (60)= 106

106

Exercise Log:
m- 270
a- 100
n- 700

1070
=
-964 cals

Not too bad for the whole day. I wish I had more time to exercise today but I was busy getting pierced with my sister. We got our belly buttons done, and I got an industrial also :P Getting my belly pierced was a good idea, because it's motivation to get tiny tiny so I feel comfortable showing people it. Same with my side/rib tattoo, I have to lift my shirt to show people and I'll only feel comfortable doing that if I'm tiny. Overall a good day, I'm starving though and I think I'll do a salt water flush tonight... Clean out my system and be light as air tomorrow :D
Sleep well lovelies!!

XOX Peace, Love and Stay Strong

Fatfatfatfatfatfatfatfat

Ugh, it's only 2 pm and I think today is a complete failure. I ate breakfast :( And now I'm going to work out literally all day while working on my online summer class. I can't believe I'm this weak!!

To Do list:
x workout all day
x summer class
x unpack from college (haha 2 months after leaving college)
x laundry
x DON'T eat
x organize closet

Such a failure= ( I ate a bowl of special K for breakfast, with skim milk but still. I didn't eat anything for the rest of the day and I worked out all day but i didn't record cals. And I got most of everything on my to-do list completed. I'm miserable so I'm off for the night.

XOX Peace, Love, and Stay Strong

Back from a mini Hiatus

So, last time I was on here was my first time on here. After I wrote that my computer broke and I didn't want to be working on my parents or sisters computer for privacy reasons. I didn't want to risk anything, But I'm back now with a banging new computer and not much progress from my previous entry :( I had lost 27.5 lbs, but then school got stressful and I was rushing an sorority and I lost control :X Now I'm reaping the consequences of losing it for one minute. I'm back to 145.5 and I cannot believe I'm this weak. I'm going to go run for a year and a half then go out to eat for father's day. It's a terrible cycle. When I get back from dinner I'll run some more.

Food Diary:
b- kiwi (46) + coffee/black (0) + 4 oz. crystal light (2.5)= 48.5
l- nothing
d-wedge salad (no dressing) (80)+ 2 french fries (13) + water w/ lemon= 93
snack :( - popcorn (210!!)

351.5

Exercise Log:
morning- 850
afternoon-260
night-400

1510

=

-1158.5 cals

overall, today wasn't too bad. Dinner with my family was stressful and i was soooooo full after I thought I would be sick. But i didn't unfortunately :( Now I feel really heavy and thick, gross. I ran for 20 minutes tonight but I may still run some more once I catch my breath :P I have trouble sleeping so anything to keep burning off more cals will be great, I'll just keep moving until I'm so exhausted I pass out! Goodnight!!

XOX Peace, Love, and Stay Strong