Monday, November 23, 2009

blah diddy blah blah

It's been a while since I've been on...
I told my boyfriend about being sick and he was really very supportive but he was worried about me. And then I caught him like really upset about it one night while i spent literally an hour and a half eating two scrambled egg whites. He asked me to go to a doctor and try to get better because he loves me and doesn't really want to love someone who doesn't love herself. So i tried... kinda. I made 10 different appointments with therapists over the course of a month and canceled them all. Now I'm giving up being good, I want to be amazing and the only way to do that is to be thin thin thin. I haven't gained, I've lost some but at a very slow slow rate. I love him but I can't help who I am... I don't want to get better.
Anyway, I've been awake for a few hours and I've had my traditional breakfast of 2 cups black coffee, 1 cup tea, and 2 cups water. All the caffeine and water is good for my but it makes my stomach huge for a while. It's better in the end because it keeps me full for almost the whole day :D

I'll update more later<3


  1. The only way to be amazing is to be thin thin thin? Darling, there are far more ways to be amazing than that. And you can be it. If you have the guts, the strenght, the willpower to starve yourself, you can do anything. Anything. People have been killing each other on sight just to be sure they had food, since it's a primary instinct. When there was too much killing, prophets and philosophers started saying "Hey, what about being good to one another, stop killing each other and sharing the stuff we have? We'll have to control our primary instincts, though".
    You've managed to strengthen your willpower to an impressive level. If you focus that power on something else you're one step closer to success in whatever field of life you choose to focus on (choose wisely, however: if you focus on love, for example, you depend on others. If you focus on writing good books, that depends on you alone).

    I find it sad that in many of your comments you talk about how useless and unworthy you think you are, when you sound actually deep and strong. I guess you have an emotional need to control your life and your world. Whatever is frustrating you, if you focus your frustration, and the energy you give to Ana in any other project, you'll succeed if only through hard work and self-discipline. In the end, whatever you may hear about talent is not really true. What works is either hard work and persistence (or in some cases, sheer luck). If you have the persistence to starve yourself for days and run four hours with a salad of three cherry tomatoes without dressing... Well, you can do great and good things.

    You yourself have acknowledged that hanging out with Ana for a long time can cause you death. Maybe some day you'll be able to take the will power and self-discipline you've learnt from her and go on with your life. I hope it's soon.

    Best wishes, anyway.

  2. hey...i totally understand how u feel, i was part anorexic?i ate lots of veggies n fruits n some carbs like granola bars...i lost sooo much weight by eating about 1000 to 1500 cals a day from 120 to 90 lbs in 2 i can eat 3000 cals n not gain weight so i thank god 4 it!i'm asian so i'm 5' i'm 16 dis year, my dad has really high metabolism so i guess i inherited it. it was so bad u could play with my ribs like a xylophone!!!but now i look healthy n i enjoy life more. i don't eat junk food but every thing else in moderation, i grew half n inch since 2 months ago(when i finally realised it was stupid eating only that)i only exercise on my treadmill 10 mins a day alternate days...d only side effects r getting headaches in d mornings if i eat 2 much d night i hope u'll realise that even i lost weight on 1000 to please don starve urself, n i'm sorry if i hv offended any1...gud luck:)